The Bell Jar

it haunts me... All the time.. The thick, dark glass trapping the air inside. Sylvia Plath got it too right... No matter where you are, it's there, hovering, waiting like a vulture, for the little words, the little looks, the ones that whisper lies to you. Lies about what an awful, horrible, bad person you are, and you believe it because it's true. And the next time it happens, it gets worse, and you want the blood to flow as freely as it can, because hurting the other people is worse than hurting yourself, too much worse. Because really, what IS the point? Why do I look in the mirror and hate what I see? I can't look in the mirror anymore. Why the hell do I exist? People don't care, I am useless. This hurting is nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. It's better than not feeling at all. Sometimes it goes away and I want to LIVE like nothing else, leave and leave and leave, and keep leaving, nothing to ever tie me down, not my freakishness or the differences in how I think or look or act, not my family trying to stand the simple fact that I'm here. Not the weakness and thoughts of death all the time, hanging, crashing, bleeding, dying dying dying. Where did the blissful ignorance go? I want to be six again, and play in the mud and not care whether my skirt got muddy or not, and cry when I accidentally cut myself on a stick. I'm sick of tearing at my own skin with my nails, trying to leave the only way I can think of. I want to be gone so no one knows who I am, and I can disappear and make up my own story. I want to lie to myself and disappear and be gone. Forever.

Aww....

I just had to post this... I give credit to Picturesofyou, a Cure fansite, for caching this pic, not mine, etc: http://www.picturesofyou.us/poyindex.htm Simon, Robert, Lol... I would put this about Faith/Pornography era. Lurvely boys, ain't they?? x] Same with this, also from the same site, just had to post it x] Why does Robert have a blow up airplane? I don't know. But it's adorable, so...

Time?

No, not the Pink Floyd song... What's time, really? Does it actually even exist? I think that maybe time is just something humans came up with to not be driven insane. The reason we can't time travel is because our minds can't comprehend NOT having time. Time might happen "all at once", but if this theory is correct, then it wouldn't technically be "all at once", this being a construction of time... ANYWAYS, back on topic. Humans can't actually comprehend "the beginning". Try it. Even with religion, we can't actually specify what this "beginning" is: "In the beginning, God created.." (not accurate quote, don't get on me about it.) Yeah, and...? When is this "beginning"? We can think about our beginning, when we were born, we can think of the beginning of events, the beginning of wars, but not THE beginning of TIME. So, does this prove that time doesn't exist? If it doesn't, I still think we can't comprehend it. How do you break down barriers that strong, there from birth? If time happens all at once, then "time-travel" is actually possible, in a sense. If we break down the barriers in our minds, if this theory is correct, then time is just a complicated illusion we set up to keep ourselves sane. With everything happening at once, our minds couldn't take it. Hmm... Maybe this is absolutely insane, and I'm probably writing to no one, but here it is. Possibly too far-fetched for it to be true, but eh...