Remastered Disintegration

It's out now! and it's amazing and beautiful and everything I've been hoping for since October!! The sounds on the original remastered album is simply perfect. Listening to it compared to the album that come out in 89 is like night and day.. And the new remastered album can be night, cause it's so beautifully dark and tragic and orchestral and gorgeous... Entreat Plus, though people have complaints about the mixing, is still great to listen to because you finally get the whole album, rather than the original Entreat which was missing some tracks. The seconds disc of rarities and demos is really only for the huge Cure fan, which makes the whole set of 3 discs complete. You can listen through the RS Home demos to the band rehearsals (which sounded like loads of fun, just showing how close the band was at the time) to rough studio mixes to the official album to the live versions in 1989. A dream come true for the ultimate Cure fan!! Fantastic set, thank you Robert Smith. Some updates on things: I've been cutting my own hair and dying it all purple now. Traveled to London and then Paris. Went to band camp and learned a sh*t ton of stuff about French horn that I knew nothing about before. Figured out that people's personalities are the same as their instruments. Decided that I should probably write more. Painted. A lot. More than a teenager should. Cause we should have somewhat of a life.. But nooo not me x] ...Had my first kiss! With another girl... It was awesome GOT REALLY F**KING EXCITED FOR AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER. I saw every single episode ever made. Fantastic show. Here's something I'm coming up with right now. It's late and I'm tired and bored and yeah.... : And it plays softly, this poetry in the air. And music drifting around like the soft white fluffs of summer that trigger allergies and look like snow in summer. Snowstorms in the bright sun of freedom and yellow and feeling sleepy like only laziness does. Can I never feel tired again? Never want to miss the calm without today and tomorrow and yesterday always do. I just love these leaves blocking sun and leaving me with the small spots of light that leave nothing bare and nothing dark like everywhere else. Just laying in the grass and under the sun in a summer snowstorm that leaves nothing unwanted like I know tomorrow will. That little bit is about an afternoon under a tree in the sun listening to Paper Route's album Absence during band camp with one of my friends... Pretty awesome day x] I was just remembering when I read the book The Stranger by Albert Camus... Very very existentialist. I was going through a horrible phase of self-loathing. I locked myself in my room and listened to Faith, Pornography, Seventeen Seconds, Disintegration, and other such CDs. I wrote constantly and felt so out of it, like I was not there with everyone else and somewhere else where it was dark and cold and alone. F**king weird month, that was.

The Bell Jar

it haunts me... All the time.. The thick, dark glass trapping the air inside. Sylvia Plath got it too right... No matter where you are, it's there, hovering, waiting like a vulture, for the little words, the little looks, the ones that whisper lies to you. Lies about what an awful, horrible, bad person you are, and you believe it because it's true. And the next time it happens, it gets worse, and you want the blood to flow as freely as it can, because hurting the other people is worse than hurting yourself, too much worse. Because really, what IS the point? Why do I look in the mirror and hate what I see? I can't look in the mirror anymore. Why the hell do I exist? People don't care, I am useless. This hurting is nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. It's better than not feeling at all. Sometimes it goes away and I want to LIVE like nothing else, leave and leave and leave, and keep leaving, nothing to ever tie me down, not my freakishness or the differences in how I think or look or act, not my family trying to stand the simple fact that I'm here. Not the weakness and thoughts of death all the time, hanging, crashing, bleeding, dying dying dying. Where did the blissful ignorance go? I want to be six again, and play in the mud and not care whether my skirt got muddy or not, and cry when I accidentally cut myself on a stick. I'm sick of tearing at my own skin with my nails, trying to leave the only way I can think of. I want to be gone so no one knows who I am, and I can disappear and make up my own story. I want to lie to myself and disappear and be gone. Forever.

Aww....

I just had to post this... I give credit to Picturesofyou, a Cure fansite, for caching this pic, not mine, etc: http://www.picturesofyou.us/poyindex.htm Simon, Robert, Lol... I would put this about Faith/Pornography era. Lurvely boys, ain't they?? x] Same with this, also from the same site, just had to post it x] Why does Robert have a blow up airplane? I don't know. But it's adorable, so...

Time?

No, not the Pink Floyd song... What's time, really? Does it actually even exist? I think that maybe time is just something humans came up with to not be driven insane. The reason we can't time travel is because our minds can't comprehend NOT having time. Time might happen "all at once", but if this theory is correct, then it wouldn't technically be "all at once", this being a construction of time... ANYWAYS, back on topic. Humans can't actually comprehend "the beginning". Try it. Even with religion, we can't actually specify what this "beginning" is: "In the beginning, God created.." (not accurate quote, don't get on me about it.) Yeah, and...? When is this "beginning"? We can think about our beginning, when we were born, we can think of the beginning of events, the beginning of wars, but not THE beginning of TIME. So, does this prove that time doesn't exist? If it doesn't, I still think we can't comprehend it. How do you break down barriers that strong, there from birth? If time happens all at once, then "time-travel" is actually possible, in a sense. If we break down the barriers in our minds, if this theory is correct, then time is just a complicated illusion we set up to keep ourselves sane. With everything happening at once, our minds couldn't take it. Hmm... Maybe this is absolutely insane, and I'm probably writing to no one, but here it is. Possibly too far-fetched for it to be true, but eh...